Hey, tough guy...

Dear wanna-be tough guy outside my window in the street just now, trying to be all badass, yelling "shut the fuck up" and getting in the face of some bemused truckdriver. The reason he doesn't fear you is that tough guys don't use umbrellas. And your "shut the fuck up" lacked any conviction or true vitriol, and came off as disingenuous and perfunctory, like you had rehearsed it in front of the mirror in your mommy's basement. And dude - khakis and loafers? Seriously? Go the fuck home now, before somebody here shows you where you are. I'd come out and do that myself, but...it's raining. And I left my umbrella out in my van.