I started the day my usual way; early morning reading with coffee on my rooftop, which features a panoramic view of once-great New York City. I heard what I thought was somebody's weed-whacker across the street. Then the hairs stood up on the back of my neck as I suddenly noticed that buzzing was not a distant weed-whacker, but the SOUND OF THE WINGS of an enormous evil-looking thing trying to carry the huge CICADA it had killed toward...ME.
Of course, as we now live in the age of one panicked over-reaction after another, I immediately thought, "Murder hornet? That was like ten scary-things-that-are-going-to-get-us ago. Murder hornets are SO late April or May, and we're only into July. What the fuck is NEXT?"
I came downstairs (OK, I admit - I actually RAN downstairs) hoping to research what I'd seen. And then I decided to go back up to try to snap a photo or some video of it so I could properly identify it (OK, I admit - I wanted the photo or video to SHARE, because as much as I might pontificate on the perils of social media addiction, I'm often as guilty of it as everyone else).
The insect-bigger-than-some-pets-I've-owned was already gone when I got back up there. However, now having researched it, I had completely forgotten about these since I became an oh-so-sophisticated city-dwelling pussy. They were around bucolic upstate New York when I was a kid. Having parents that didn't try to protect me from everything, for all I know I probably ATE one of the damned things.
Anyway, nature is always there to teach you things, and to remind you when you’ve forgotten them. Today's lessons/reminders:
- CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Not everything in life is a murder hornet. Sometimes it's just a cicada killer.
- EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Who needs to fear a cicada killer? Not YOU. But cicadas best be rollin' wit da safety off.
- MIND YOUR OWN DAMNED BUSINESS. As with most living things, the cicada killer has shit to do, and it doesn't have time for you. It is however, a species of wasp, which means it will sting your sorry ass into next week if you fuck widdit.
- DON'T BE SO PREDICTABLE. Cicadas appear every seventeen years. I bet cicada killers set the alarm, sleep in for sixteen years, then BEEP BEEP BEEP..."All right, everybody up and at 'em - them cicadas ain't gonna kill themselves." Life should be interesting. Mix it up a little!
- STAY ON OFFENSE. Life is simple. You can be the cicada killer, or you can be the cicada.